If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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