What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
