sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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