So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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