I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
