Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
