remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize