I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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