im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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