What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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