I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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