That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
