He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
