never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
