She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize