some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
