It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i think my cat just said my name.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize