TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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