Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
