So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
