Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
