I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
