it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
