I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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