My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Two words: nipple clamps
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