He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
