remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
