oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
