i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
