I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this boner is exhausting
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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