the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
