No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
