I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
