Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
