Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
