She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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