to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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