My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Two words: nipple clamps
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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