I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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