All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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