I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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