Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
