I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
