all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
