all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
