I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
