we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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