Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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