A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In other news, I just burned my penis
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think my moral compass just broke
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