no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
