I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
