I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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