Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
