i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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