oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
