You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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