every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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