I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
