My room smells like vodka and shame
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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