i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I did not marry a roomba.
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