I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
