SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
