sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize