my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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