Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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