My brain says no but my pants say off.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
