Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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