ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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