Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
